Freedom Don’t Do Subtle
Price range: $17.00 through $24.00
The details
In a ballroom that smelled suspiciously of gunpowder and soy sauce, the band struck up the dragon’s funeral march and insisted it was a foxtrot.
Uncle Sam, dressed in stars and pure cognitive dissonance, spun Lady Liberty under the golden claws of a panda that had clearly raided both the Federal Reserve and a barbecue joint. Diamonds skittered across the floor like unpaid tariffs. Red paint dripped with the timing of a late-night cable news chyron. Fireworks burst overhead spelling “STRATEGIC PARTNERSHIP” in letters big enough to be seen from Beijing.
“Freedom don’t do subtle,” Sam announced to no one in particular, dipping Liberty so hard her torch nearly set the panda’s bamboo on fire. The panda just chewed, slow and patient, while the entire room kept dancing like the music had never stopped and the claws were just mood lighting.
Somewhere near the punch bowl a tourist in a soft slogan tee whispered, “Is this… satire?”
